At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
