Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Randomize
