Your mouth is God's brothel.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
