she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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