In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
