i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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