I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
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