I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
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