I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
