something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
