i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
