When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
