Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize