do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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