Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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