Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Sacagawea was the original milf.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
