Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
