he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
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