no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
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