dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
