I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
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