in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Randomize
