swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
