My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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