Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
