Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
