When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Randomize
