She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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