Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
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