he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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