I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize