He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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