He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
