True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Dick very happy bro
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
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