I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
