hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
