And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
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