Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
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