Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
