billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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