im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Randomize
