Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Randomize
