since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
