i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
