its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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