go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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