sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Randomize
