I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
