I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I can text with my tongue
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
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