I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
