She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
