My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
