buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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