your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
