you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
