Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
