btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
