I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
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