I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
