My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
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