you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Randomize
