My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
In other news, I just burned my penis
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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