My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
