New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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