Fine. I'll sleep in my office
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
