Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
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